Wednesday August 17, 2005

The Sanctity of the Fist Pump

By Shakezula, the Mic Ruler

             In the hectic world of wardrobe malfunctions and gay marriages there are very few things that are still revered as sacred.  When sexual scandals in the Catholic Church and the stupidity of the two-term president are the basis for late night monologues, the American people are left with very few things to turn to in times of need.  One of these immortal crutches of human existence is known as the fist pump.

            For centuries people have been celebrating success in many ways.  One may show happiness through a simple smile or through a joyous leaping into the air, but the go to move for many people is the ever-lasting glory of the fist pump.  When one feels too excited to just smile and too modest to draw attention, a simple fist pump will satisfy all celebratory needs.  It is the medium between homeliness and extravagance and should be looked at as so. 

            With this being said, the level of excitement within a fist pump varies quite a lot.  Let’s look at two examples.  Tiger Woods in the 1997 Masters: excessive fist pumping.  Bob May in the PGA Championship in 2000: modest and confident. 

Now here are two polar opposites of the same celebratory move.  In the case of Tiger Woods at the Masters in ‘97, his fist pump was more like a punch through the wall of pop culture.  Everything he did on the heavenly grounds of Augusta National that week justifies a running, jumping fist pump.  And you know what, that was just a young and enthusiastic black man for you.  He runs, and jumps, and shows his emotions on his sleeve.  From this guy’s humble perspective, keep going for it.  His fist pumps in a simple Georgia town not only shook up the game of golf and the entire sporting world, but revolutionized the fist pump forever.   

            Now on the other hand, we have Bob May.  The year of the Lord 2000 was Bob May’s best year of his career.  He found himself in the top 10 three times and grossed $ 1,557,720.  One of these top ten’s was in the PGA Championship where after 72 holes he found himself in a playoff with the most intimidating player in the history of the game.  As he drilled a hand-shaking fifteen-footer on the 72^nd hole to secure a one shot lead, he pumped his fist with confidence and authority.  Although Tiger Woods birdied the last hole to take the tournament into a playoff, and consequently won, Bob May showed how variety in the fist pump dictates the demeanor of the man.  Some people say the eyes are the gateway to the soul; I say you don’t have to look past the way the man pumps his fist. 

            Now these are only two examples of the vast universe in which fist pumping resides.  It should also be recognized that fist pumping is very much not relegated to the world of sport.  A fist pump is highly recommended, if not mandatory, after certain events such as a long keg stand, or maybe a flashed breast from some young co-ed.  The answer is, use fist pumping as a tool for self-expression – the funnel in which you chug the beer of life.  Before you know it, the keg will be kicked and the lights will be dimmed and the party will be over; what will be left are pictures of people celebrating glorious times with their fists in the air, shaking them to and fro.  So saddle up, strap in, and bring you’re A game because pumping our fists is the only thing holy left in this world. 

Shakezula@fistpumps.com

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